Oh, anxiety, you sneaky little devil. I haven’t felt this overwhelmed in months, but today? Today was a whole different level. It hit like a freight train. Before I knew it, I was right back in the thick of it. The racing heart, the shallow breaths, and that awful, looming feeling overwhelmed me. It felt like nothing was getting done, no matter how hard I tried. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this way. But here I was, dialing Joey’s number just to help me calm down. Apparently, even breathing is hard now.
The Setback That Came Out of Nowhere
It’s frustrating because I was doing so good. I felt proud of myself! For weeks, life had been relatively calm, and I was managing everything like a boss. Then today hit, and it felt like a complete setback. Suddenly, anxiety took over, leaving me wondering if all my progress had vanished just like that. But I keep telling myself that it’s just a temporary bump in the road, right? It’s not going to last forever. I’m holding onto the hope. I believe I’ll wake up tomorrow and feel normal again. At least, I hope I’ll feel a little closer to normal. Right now, writing is the only thing I seem to have any control over.
It’s funny how anxiety loves to feed off chaos. Days like this make me want to toss everything out. I just want to put it all by the curb. I wish I could be done with it. I’m just so tired of cleaning, organizing, and constantly shuffling things around. Sometimes I think we’d all live better with a simpler life, with less stuff weighing us down. It’s like the more things I have to clean, the more my anxiety seems to thrive. Some people might look at my house and say, “It’s not that messy.” However, to me, it feels like chaos. When I see dirty dishes in the sink in the morning, I feel overwhelmed. The dog hair that hasn’t been swept up in four days adds to this overwhelming feeling. Somehow, the mess seems to get bigger when my mind is cluttered too.
Overthinking Every Little Detail
As if the anxiety itself wasn’t enough, my mind goes into overdrive trying to figure out why. What triggered this storm today? We just had the most wonderful weekend. It was full of laughter and memory-making moments. Why does it feel like today is undoing all of that? Like I’ve suddenly lost control of my emotions, and nothing is helping reel them back in. Did I sleep too much last night? Was the heated blanket too high? Did the congestion medicine I took mess with my head, or did I just overdo it on the coffee? It feels like a relentless cycle. I try to pinpoint the exact cause. I hope finding it will somehow make the anxiety go away. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.
My Calm in the Storm
In moments like this, I am so thankful for my husband. God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me my calm in the storm. No matter how stressed I get, Joey always reminds me of God’s love. I ramble on about absurd reasons for feeling this way, but he listens. He knows just what to say to help talk me down. He listens patiently while I cry. He doesn’t judge my racing thoughts. He helps me find some peace, even if it’s just for a little while. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without him. Thank you, hunny, for being my steady. You are there when the anxiety feels too strong.
Tomorrow Is a New Day
So, not everything got done today that I wanted to. The to-do list is still staring me down, but you know what? The house is clean-ish, and that’s something. Anxiety may have gotten the best of me today, but tomorrow is a new day. I’ll wake up, pray for a fresh perspective, and do my best to start again. Because, at the end of the day, setbacks happen. They don’t define us, and they don’t have to last forever. I’m choosing to believe that today was just a blip on the radar, not a permanent state of mind.
And hey, if you’re reading this, thanks for sticking with me through my rambling thoughts. Sometimes we just need to let it all out—messy house, messy mind, and all. Here’s to hoping tomorrow feels a little lighter and the anxiety doesn’t stick around.
– Hannah ❤❤❤